Hello, my friends, welcome back to the Healthy Eating for Busy Women podcast. I’m, kind of, just cracking up right now, because I swear to you, I have tried to record this intro very simply for the past, few minutes. And I’ve just been messing up words sounding crazy. So glad we got through, […0.5s] haha.That intro together. So I’m happy to be with you. I think today is gonna be a little bit more of just a conversational episode. I don’t have a lot of notes planned, if I’m being honest, because I wanna have a really open dialogue about what I’m calling the hard and soft of transformation. But this is going to be a very real and authentic perspective of what to expect when you are really committed to long term healing with your health. So what I mean by that is you are really done picking up and putting down healthy eating. You want to heal your food struggles at that root level. Eat healthy naturally things like that.When it comes to weight, right? You don’t want to keep again picking it up and putting it back down. You want to do this for the last time. So you’re not just doing things that allow you to eat healthy and lose weight. You’re really becoming that person. And that is what I am always here to help you guys do. And the work I teach and my coaching is not, the surface level norm.I’d say when you decide to join my programs or my coaching or even listen to this podcast, right? It takes a special type of person because you’re really willing to leave no stone left unturned and to heal at all of the required levels to have long term results.There’s nothing superficial […0.5s] about the process of healing that you are committing to here. And so that means we want to set proper expectations as to what this healing journey is really gonna look like for you.And for those of you who don’t know me, I’m speaking from very, context I’m very privileged to have. I’ve coached women from all around the world for almost a decade, from all different backgrounds, careers, walks of life to this result of naturally healthy eating and long term weight loss.And I’m able to give you perspective based on all of these case studies, hundreds of women. And so that puts me in a really, valuable position to give you context that I would have kill to have, right? So that is what I’m focused on today.And here’s what I want you to know just to kick us off, right? You […0.6s] do not need to just be softer on yourself to reach your weight loss goal. And you don’t need to be just harder on yourself, right?So what I mean by this is you don’t need to go easier on yourself only and say, oh, I’ve been working so hard, I just need to take care of myself, I just need to slow down, right? You don’t need to do just that, and you don’t need to just tell yourself to rub some dirt in it. If you want this, you need to be, really committed, disciplined. All these things where you exert a lot of effort.What I want you to know is you’re gonna need to be a little bit of each and you need to know when to apply a soft approach and a hard approach […0.7s] in your journey.So something I talk about a lot in my practices and with my women is the concept of learning to parent ourselves. And this isn’t meant to be infantilizing or to be patronizing to ourselves, right?It’s because most of us were not taught how to parent ourselves emotionally […0.6s] and with our health, right? I certainly was not taught this. So I had to crash and bird over and over again with my health in order to figure out how to do this and create a process around it. And that is what I am hellbent on providing you guys, right?And […0.5s] a really important concept when learning how to self parent with your health is understanding the nuances of when to be soft with yourself and when to be hard on yourselves.I have a lot of different women who come to me for support, for coaching. And there are a number of women who come to me who think that they need a softer approach, right? So they come to me saying, well, […0.5s] I’ve just been way too hard on myself, so I just need to be easier on myself.I’m really burnt out and everything’s just too hard. And I’ll have plenty of women come to me and say that they need to be harder on themselves, that they’re being lazy, that they’re procrastinating.And what’s interesting is most of us will think that we either need to be one or the other and will have this very black and white binary context of how we should approach […0.5s] weight loss. And it’s interesting because the wellness industry is also doing this, right? Diet industry.You will see different […0.5s] styles of coaching and expertise that jive with you, but it’s gonna be at different times. So sometimes you’ll find that the softer approach works well for you and saying, oh, you can just take a break.It’s fine. And sometimes that will work. Sometimes you’ll need someone to be tougher with you, and that’s what you’re needing. But I want you guys to be able to have the discernment for yourself to understand in your own self parenting.When it’s time to be harder with yourself with weight loss, or when it’s time to be softer with yourself. Because most women, […0.6s] most of you will try to solve your eating habits and your weight loss by living in one extreme only.So you’re either gonna go all in with willpower and tough love, and then end up burnt out. Or you will stay stuck in this endless kind of self compassion that keeps you from taking responsibility. And you guys are gonna notice this right in the trends when it comes to approaching our health.I’ve been doing this for quite a while, so I’ve seen trends ebb and flow over the years.It’s really interesting when you’ve been doing this a while and you have expertise, because you really see that it flows from one extreme or another. What will be popular and politically correct will be to be really firm and hard on ourselves.And then a few years later, what’s trending is to be really soft with ourselves.And something that is so important to know is that when you are in one of the two extremes, it’s not gonna be sustainable because you are not playing both the part […0.6s] of the parent and that internal child that you wanna care for.What’s happening is you’re trying to force yourself by playing that drill sergeant role, or you’re just being the child where you’re not taking any responsibility. So if this feels a little bit cloudy, we’re gonna make this make more sense.And I mentioned discernment, right? So this is one of the biggest skills that you will learn to have when you learn how to become a naturally healthy eater, lose weight for the last time, and really parent yourself effectively with your health.Because discernment is in this context, knowing when your growth and your healing requires firmness and when it needs kindness. So I’ll say that again, discernment is knowing when your growth requires firmness and when it requires kindness.This is something I say at law in my coaching when we learn to be caregivers of ourselves, we’re not being just kind and we’re not being just firm. We’re learning how to hold both at once and then discern what we’re needing at any given time.So firmness might sound like I am always in control of the choices I make with food. Kindness might sound like it makes sense that this feels hard and that I’m feeling what I’m feeling right now.Discernment is knowing which one creates movement in you […0.6s] right […0.5s] now. How you will know the difference is if you’re being firm with yourself or kind with yourself and you’re not feeling compelled to take action and figure this out.And a lot of us are using firmness and kindness to keep us stuck. So because sometimes the loving thing is to push yourself forward, and sometimes the powerful thing is to soften and rest and to lean back and to exist where you’re at right now.But when you’re using discernment with these thoughts, it’s gonna allow you to feel more empowered, not less empowered. You’re gonna feel more stable in your body, not shameful.And what you need to understand is if you’re not taking action, you’re probably reaching for the energy that doesn’t serve you here.You’re probably reaching for the hard when maybe you need a little softness. You’re probably […0.6s] reaching for the softness when maybe you need a little more firmness, right?And this comes up with my clients all the time where what their primitive brain, their reactionary state thinks they need is usually not what they need.And that’s where the coaching comes in. So this skill that I’m talking about is how you’re gonna stop swinging between perfection and avoidance. And you’re gonna start becoming a woman who is able to parent herself, regardless of how she’s feeling.Because you’re gonna know exactly what kind of strength you’re gonna need in any given moment of your health journey. So this is really the importance of learning to be a parent to yourself.Being a parent is learning discernment in how you’re treating yourself in a healthy eating and weight loss journey.It’s going to be to make a judgment call for yourself based on what you observe in your process. Whether that’s in my coaching, or you’re working, on a specific skill, you need to be able to be the one to discern what it is your needing. So let’s go through some other examples of useful firmness. And it’s really interesting cause we’re gonna go through some firmness and kindness examples here, but notice which ones feel wrong for you right now based on your discernment.So here are some examples of firm thoughts, firm manners of being. You are always in control of your eating decisions, […0.5s] to prioritize your health is always a choice. Zero excuses, no circumstance can keep you from your goal. None. Never be a victim. Never pity yourself. It’s not useful.So these are all examples of firm energy, and some of you will be hearing this right now, and say, yep, that compels me to stablely take action right now maturely and effectively.When you think that you’re always in control, you acknowledge responsibility, and, you never wanna be a victim. It empowers you right now. And then there’s gonna be some of you listening right now, where that feels, kinda, icky.You’re like, I don’t think it feels right to tell myself right now that I shouldn’t be a victim, and that I’m always in control, because to you, it might not feel authentic right now. It might be coming up against your authenticity of what you’re experiencing and feeling.And what I want you to know is that you always have the option to go into kindness to stable you and to bring you into […0.5s] empowerment and taking action.Because here is a kind approach that is no less effective. It just has to be used for the proper time. Your past struggles are valid, right? If it feels hard right now, that really makes sense. And nothing is wrong with you.Mistakes are human, and setbacks are just a natural part of your progress. You never need to be perfect to lose the weight you wanna lose. And the stakes were never that high. And I’m sorry that you were taught that because that must have been hard. Do you see that approach?And for all of you, regardless of what end of the spectrum you’re needing right now, whether you need the sperm energy, you need the kind energy, or you need a bit of both, which is valid as well.I want you to see how both energies are stable. We’re not talking about helpless energy versus kindness. We’re not saying poor you, you’ve had it so hard, my poor baby, where it feels destabilizing to you. And we’re also not using harshness where we say you should know better.You are smart enough to not have this problem where we’re shaming you, right? Firmness is acknowledging responsibility. Kindness is validating the heart.Okay, and what I want you to be bold enough to do is to not assume which one you’re needing to. Instead try either one on. And I offer you to do that in real time with me here today, right now with where you are at in your health journey, where do you feel most stuck?Where do you feel like your next area of progress is? Where are you not taking action and you want to be taking action right now. Evaluate and try on firm energy or kind energy.Most of you here are the type Aers intellectuals like me, so your first instinct is going to think that you need the firm approach, right? Most of y’all are like, yep, I need the firm approach, just tell me what to do. I just, need to remind myself that I’m responsible, and I can do this.Here’s what I wanna offer you, my friend. I need you to not intellectually try these thoughts on. I need you to try them on emotionally. How do you feel in your body when you think I’m not gonna be a victim, and I am not gonna make excuses. I am going to take action.Some of you listening will feel empowered by that, […0.5s] but there’s a lot of you Type A’s intellectuals right now that will feel triggered by hearing that. And it’s not gonna be what settles you and your body.All of you who identify as Taipei and action takers things like this, where you think you need the firm energy.I want you to hear me. I want you to evaluate how this thought that I’m about to tell you makes you feel in your body. I know […0.5s] you’ve been trying so hard, […0.5s] and I know how capable you are, and I know it’s been frustrating that you never seem to […0.5s] hit the Mark for yourself that you set out to do.But the thing is you never need to be perfect. And I know you were taught that […0.6s] you need to always perform, but actually […0.6s] just showing up is enough. And you’re allowed to take the most accessible next step in this journey […0.6s] that feels available to you right now.I know that was more than a thought. That was a whole dialogue. But a lot of you think you need the firmness right now because you identify with the firmness, which is why you’re stuck because you haven’t utilized the softness and the kindness […0.6s] of transformation yet. That is no less effective for you. It’s gonna be more effective.And for those of you who maybe have been too soft and that hasn’t been feeling stable for you, maybe the firmness is where you wanna be, but we’re never saying be harsh with yourself or destabilize yourself with helplessness. There is a mature approach to both the hard and the soft.Your job and the skill you’re gonna build is being able to discern […0.6s] which one it is you are needing at any given time. And this is what parenting yourself with your health is.And be really careful when you are scrolling social media or looking for what the right way to do this is, because that is you outsourcing your parenting to someone else.If you are going to hire someone like me or whoever as a coach or an expert, make sure that you go into it from the posture of you being your own parent, where you’re gonna use discernment to identify what you’re most needing. Does that make sense?I really hope this makes sense. I know this is a more open dialogue today, but here’s what I wanna offer you, my friend. If you’re hearing this, and […0.5s] you want support to build the skill of discernment, you wanna be coached, you want to do long term healing, but we’re not skipping any steps.I invite you to join us inside my your eating habits membership. This is an incredible space for women all around the world. We’re all highly logical, very type a, and it’s just women coming together, building these skills really effectively, using my prop, […0.6s] my process, and evaluating each week, and supporting each other along the way. It will change your life, and I do not say that lightly.So […0.5s] if you want to solve your food struggles, build naturally healthy eating habits and lose weight for that last time, join us inside the membership at catrentus. Com forward slash membership. We will give you the warmest, most loving welcome […0.6s] when you join us inside.Alright, love you all so much. I hope you took something away from this episode today, and I will talk to you next week. […0.5s][…0.5s]