Hello, my friends. Welcome back to the Healthy Eating for Busy Women podcast. I’m happy you’re here and that you can take a moment out of your busy schedule to spend some time with me this week. And today I want to talk about how to stop feeling guilty around your food decisions.It’s interesting because as potentially a type, a woman or someone who […0.5s] thinks more logically, we feel like we just want to make the healthy decisions with food we want so we can lose weight, […0.5s] get fit, whatever that is. But then sometimes I think it can surprise us how emotional our relationship with food can be. And foodgill is something that I coach on very commonly. I have dealt with it very heavily in the past. And so I really wanna offer up an episode today to talk about why this can happen, where it comes from, and how to solve this problem […0.6s] now so you can make more logical food decisions without that emotional weight. […5.2s] And I think the concept of food guilt can be one of the more frustrating topics for my clients because […0.5s] really you want to just be able to take action so you can create the results with your body that you want. If only things were this cut and dry but has emotional humans, we really have to be aware of the experience emotionally that we’re having with food.And guilt for a lot of us stems from […0.5s] diet culture. Maybe it comes from how we were raised with food.For a lot of you who identify as a high performer or achiever, it will simply come from that conditioning where you have high […1.9s] expectations of yourself or […1.0s] measures of progress. And so there’s shame and guilt that surrounds eating decisions when they don’t match up with your expectations. […2.9s]All we can know for sure and that you almost certainly can relate to is that guilt feels like it gets in the way from you making progress. You’ll go out with the best intentions and then no matter what you feel like you’re just […0.5s] constantly messing up, you can never quite keep it together and you end up making an eating decision that you feel negatively about. […6.6s] You’ll constantly feel like you’re doing it wrong or that you should be doing better.And I think one of the biggest […3.1s] roadblocks with guilt and shame around food I see is with very logical type a women because something that we often struggle with is to get outside of our seemingly logical thinking.So let me give you an example. A thought that can produce guilt or shame around food is I did it wrong, […0.7s] right? The functionality of a thought, I did this wrong or I should have eaten this way or I ate too much is to produce shame and guilt […0.6s] emotionally in our bodies.Now where we can struggle with this is we will assume that we’re always just logically thinking, I’m like this too.I sometimes really struggle to […1.3s] be aware of when I’m emotionally […0.5s] in that headspace. And I’m not speaking from logic, but a lot of you will say I did it wrong, I should have done better, I shouldn’t have eaten that. Like You’re reciting the news, like you’re reciting a scientific fact.And really what I want us to think about here today is that all of us are going to be having emotional experiences around our food decisions. And if you’re dealing with shame or guilt around your eating decisions, it’s because of thoughts that you’re thinking.And this doesn’t mean that the goal is for you to just think more positively or to stop having these thoughts. I just want you to be aware of the fact that a lot of what you’re thinking isn’t logical when it comes to this area of your life. It is emotional and it’s rooted in shame and guilt. […1.2s]Something that a lot of my type a clients struggle to see at first is how thoughts that seem logical aren’t in fact logical and they’re not math based. They’re actually just full of shame and guilt.So I’ll give you my own example. A thought I had for many years, specifically when it came to healthy eating, was […0.6s] I could have done that better, […0.6s] right?And the way I said this wouldn’t have shocked anyone. It would have felt like I was someone who was intellectually and logically taking responsibility for my results when I thought, you know, I could have done that better.But here’s the thing that thought, while it presents as logical, was never true. And if this relates to you, it’s not true for you either.We are always doing the best we can with what we have. And as human beings who are gonna have moments of error, it’s natural to make decisions that we wouldn’t repeat. But the thought I could have done that better for me was creating constant guilt and shame, because what would I make it mean about myself if I assumed I could have done that better?That means I’m believing about myself that I shouldn’t have made a mistake, or I should be able to not make mistakes, right?A lot of the times are seemingly logical thoughts that create guilt and shame, are rooted in belief systems that are based on perfectionism or high performance things that do not serve us long term with healthy eating.So I think today, what I want you to start off with here is to think what thoughts do I think regularly about healthy eating, weight loss, this area of my life that actually feel quite shameful, make me feel guilty or leave me in a place where I feel like I’m doing it wrong.Alright, I want you to consider how you think about solving this problem on a daily basis.What are your thoughts about you when it comes to solving this problem? If you’re having any other thoughts besides the math of how to solve this, then it’s an emotional relationship. And the thing is we all have an emotional relationship with not just food, everything in our lives, cause that’s the way our brain works.We’re human beings […6.3s] now. This sounds like a massive problem. Haha, right, that we’re just human beings with all these feelings, and we’re gonna feel shame and guilt. But what I wanna offer you today is that these human experiences don’t have to be a problem. They don’t have to get in the way of you eating healthy and losing weight now.We just need to be aware of them and manage them a bit differently. Because the problem that’s occurring right now likely is you’re having a lot of guilt and shame, but you’re not objectively looking at the guilt and shame for what it is.So for example, like myself in the past, right, when I thought I could have done that better. I’m seeing that as a truth of the world that just exists. I’m not seeing that actually. That thought […0.5s] can’t be a fact. It just creates shame, right?So that’s the first problem we’re having is we’re not being aware enough of the thoughts that are creating the guilt and shame that are not facts.The other thing that we’re not yet doing if we’re struggling with the guilt is we’re layering the guilt and creating a quadruple decker guilt sandwich […0.5s] with our food decisions.So it’s gonna be a very different experience to notice guilt […0.6s] come into your brain and then pass through your body in the form of your emotions.It’s gonna be a whole another thing entirely to suffer in your guilt and to really pile it on thought after thought and to continue to perpetuate the story that you’re doing it wrong, you don’t have it together and you could have done it better if you’re like I was in the past. So I’m gonna help you sort through this today and to take steps to not pile on guilt.So you can begin making healthy eating decisions sustainably. Even if guilt comes in, it’s not going to consume you. […9.9s] I think one of the first things we need to do to manage guilt properly is to make an active decision to detach morality from our meals.Okay, And I wanna say that again, I want you to decide to detach morality […0.5s] from your meals. This doesn’t mean you’re never gonna have involuntary thoughts that create guilt with food. So it doesn’t mean you’re never gonna think I did it wrong, I shouldn’t have eaten that. I should have whatever.You’re still gonna have those thoughts, but there’s a difference between noticing those thoughts and judgments and really attaching yourself to them, spiraling in them, layering them.Because you can make a decision with me right here today that you are going to stop attaching morality or human value to the food decisions you make. And what this may look like is instead of overeating and then thinking, you know, what?I did it wrong, I can’t get it together. I should have done that differently. Instead, you can watch those thoughts in your brain, notice the guilt in your body, and then from curiosity think, oh, of course, this has been so hard.This is what has been coming up every time I make an eating decision. So rather than perpetuating it right now and piling on the story, I’m just gonna sit with it and notice it and let there be a period at the end […0.5s] of this experience. And I’m gonna let myself witness this guilt. Do you see the difference?I think that there is a skill building element to emotional awareness and processing, but you can make a difference in how you feel today by objectively narrating your guilt properly when it comes to food.And you guys, you don’t have to feel crazy and do this out loud, but maybe it’s when you’re at dinner with the family or you’re out with friends or you’re at a restaurant, it doesn’t matter.Maybe you’re by yourself after the end of a long work day and you’ve gone into the bag of chips, but narrate properly what is happening. It’s not that you are hopeless. It’s not that you are doing it wrong or that you should have known better.It’s that you are having a thought because of Learned perfectionism […1.8s] morality around food judgment. You’re having thoughts that produce guilt that is a very different experience of food guilt. And it’s one that will feel tolerable and digestible rather than […1.2s] feeling like you’re suffering in it. […2.5s] And I mean it, you guys.I think that if you’re listening, you should have a moment today where you narrate the food guilt properly and watch how much more ease it brings you. This is really the key to navigating food guilt in a way that you do not have to suffer in it. […10.1s]What’s really interesting is I talk about all or nothing patterns with food all the time. So this is what I help women solve. It is my bread and butter. […1.5s] It’s getting out of that perfectionism and then falling off track with food. So much of why we all or nothing occurs is because we don’t know how to have a tolerable experience of uncomfortable emotions. So let’s paint this picture for a minute, and see if this relates to you.We will have a food plan in place, we’ll know how we wanna eat healthy, and we’ll have all the best intentions for it, right.But then life gets in the way, things get busy, […0.6s] and all of a sudden, we make a decision where we go off plan, or we overeat, or something happens that we don’t […0.9s] see as benefiting our ultimate goal, right.And then this is when we will have an emotional experience, will think, I did it wrong, I’m not gonna be able to keep this up, I should have done that better.Now watch the guilt come in […0.5s] or the shame now we have a triggered emotional experience that occurred because we went off plan, or we gained weight, or we over ate.The human error that occurred created an emotional experience or triggered an emotional experience of guilt now because we don’t know how to have a tolerable experience of guilt which is natural.We then go to the nothing end of the spectrum and give up. We stop taking action, we stop making progress, and instead of evaluating why we over a, or what we did wrong, we just completely fall off track and then wait until motivation strikes again. Months, weeks, or, um, for some of us years later, right.And I think that so much of the time when it comes to losing weight for the last time or solidifying really naturally healthy eating habits, we think, okay, what I eat is most important, or even our body cues is most important.Those things matter. But what you will need to learn first is how to have a tolerable experience of very natural human emotions. Because what I wanna offer today is that an experience like guilt or shame is not dirty. It’s not tarnished. It doesn’t mean you’re being unkind to yourself.It’s not wrong. It means you’re human […0.5s] and as humans, we’re gonna have a very lovely primitive brain that likes to judge us quite a bit. And it will perpetuate Learned thoughts from the past that do not serve you. But this doesn’t need to feel like suffering when we’re able to navigate that in a more tolerable.And so I want you to consider today with me. If you’ve been picking up healthy eating and putting it back down, making some weight loss, and then gaining it all back. What if it’s not because you don’t have all the answers, or because you need to find a right manner of healthy eating.What if it’s just because the moment that you perceive yourself doing something wrong and you should have done it better? That guilt doesn’t feel like something, you know, how to navigate yet. It feels too much.And so we perpetuate the story. We get in the pool of this guilt, of this helplessness to the point where we don’t keep going. That is what you can solve. And that is, as y’all know, my mission to help you solve.Because once you create a more normalized and navigable experience of something like food guilt, there’s nothing that can stop you from getting the result. Because now you have conditions where a moment of human error isn’t gonna knock you off track.One other thing I’ll say related to guilt. When you’re really in the stories with it, and you’re believing guilt and you’re not objectively looking at it, you will think that the solution with your eating habits is doing it right, is never getting it wrong, is finding the perfect solution. And I want you guys to feel safe to call that out right now in a loving way.Have you been looking for that shiny solution with healthy eating? Because from a guilt indulged place, you don’t wanna do it wrong. You wanna make sure you have the right answers, you wanna make sure you don’t fail, […0.6s] right? Our thoughts and perspectives will give us away, because here’s the truth.None of these things you’re trying to achieve, never doing it wrong, never failing are actual measurable things that can happen. These are judgments that you’re trying to avoid that lead to guilt or shame.So it is a judgment to think I’m doing it wrong. It is a judgment to think […1.3s] I failed. Those things can never happen, and there’s an element of this that can feel relieving. I think if we see what I’m referring to here, you can’t fail, you can’t do it wrong. Creating healthy eating habits and losing weight is just trial and error.The key here is we want you to be in a place to do the trial and error necessary to create the result in your way. And that means we’ve gotta get out of this aversion and resistance to uncomfortable emotions like guilt.And so […0.8s] to set expectations as well for those of you who are in my membership, you know this, but if you want to join a community where we focus on this, what I teach you in my program […0.5s] isn’t positive thinking.It’s not setting unrealistic expectations with perfectionism when a, […1.0s] oh my God, a bird just hit my door, […3.4s] oh my God, hold on. […1.9s]No, No, it’s okay. […1.3s] Oh my God, […0.8s] okay, I think it’s okay. Oh, that was scary. Okay? What was I saying? Oh okay, […4.2s] It’s not to set unrealistic expectations with perfectionism or high performance. It’s to create a result. And so much of the lens we’re having over this problem is from this, […0.6s] a version to guilt and shame that we’re protecting ourselves from.What I want you to know is to eat healthy and lose weight for the last time to get out of the all or nothing. You are going to have to learn how to witness and exhale your human emotions and process them in a sustainable way.If you’re reaching for a perfect plan or perfectionism, and your intuitions telling you that that’s what might be happening, it almost certainly is. And let’s focus on […1.4s] the more emotional healing so you can get out of that. And this topic today is one example of how you can do that. […6.2s]So again, really start to notice the thoughts you’re having and […0.9s] distinguish whether their thoughts are facts. Notice the thoughts that are perpetuating guilt and shame when it comes to your eating decisions.A couple of questions I really like to offer my clients to […7.3s] notice these thoughts are, […3.2s] is this a fact and it’s provable and everyone would agree on this, or is it something I’m believing about myself? Is it a judgment I’m having? So is it a fact or a judgment? That is one question you can ask.Another question I like to offer is, is this something I would think about a friend who just made a food decision, […0.6s] right? Is That thought you’re having something you would say to a loved one or a child you’re caring for or someone you really care about, right?For my thought in the past that I shared, I could have done that better, imagining myself saying that to someone who’s in my care or a loved one or one of y’all like I, that is not something that would ever cross my brain, right? And allows me to see it for what it was, which was just complete shame.So once you get eyes on these thoughts that are perpetuating guilt, keep an eye on them and notice that that’s what’s actually occurring.It’s not the fact that the foods decision, that the food decisions you’re making are wrong or shameful. […1.9s] It’s all just math and math is always solvable, which means no matter where you’re at right now, no matter where your eating decisions are at, it makes sense and it is solvable right now. […17.4s]So to review, let’s talk about some steps we can take together to process this guilt when it comes up. […1.3s]So first, I want you to recognize the root of the food guilt. I want you to […1.3s] see what thought you’re thinking, what judgment you’re having that’s creating that emotion. […3.6s]Always remember to objectively notice these thoughts because feeling guilt doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong inherently. It doesn’t mean you are wrong.It comes from judgments that you are doing something wrong. […4.8s] Food guilt always has to do with expectations and judgments we’re having of ourselves while we’re making progress. It doesn’t actually have anything to do with the result itself. […3.5s]Normalize that this thought and feeling combo comes from conditioning in your past, whether it’s diet, culture or how you were raised. It doesn’t come from factual truth of what you’re experiencing. It actually has nothing to do with your progress. […3.4s] No 2.I want you to notice how you’re labeling food or referring to food. And this will apply to all of us differently, I think. But are you using language around food that it’s good or bad? I don’t think we have to police ourselves a huge amount on this. I just want you to be curious about it.Are you labeling some foods as healthy or unhealthy in a way where it feels morally superior to eat more nutritious foods and it feels […0.9s] morally less than or shameful to have other foods?This is something you wanna keep an eye on every now and then I’ll be coaching a client and understandably, right, you’ll watch a client be like, I had a good week or a bad week. I I was, I was good this week or I wasn’t good this week.This just shows where our brains at and it shows that we’re, we’re still seeing our healthy eating progress as a moral dilemma. And that’s something we wanna start healing over time. When we heal the guilt over time, which you do by objectively looking at it, you will notice that this all or nothing pattern of good and bad starts to heal itself as well. […2.9s]Next, I want you to start redefining for you what healthy eating means. I think I can […0.7s] really remember the time when I massively shifted from […0.6s] putting healthy eating on a pedestal of high nutrition, clean eating, all those things to […0.5s] naturally healthy eating as I like to call it. Because to me, naturally healthy eating is eating healthy in my own way that allows me to have the results I want. I think the biggest shift for me is realizing I make the rules and there’s no police or […1.3s] anyone looking out for how I’m eating, really. It’s my decision and I can take ownership of that. And so I get to decide what is healthy for me, right?Of course, […0.7s] in on your eating habits, for example, there’s emotional health. We focus on body health and then the foods we eat.So there are tears we think about to help us structure this, but something I say to my clients all the time is any process I use to help you guys isn’t for you to fit into. It’s for me to see how that process can fit you. And if you’re my client, that’s what I’m here to help you do.But we need to get out of this thinking that someone else has the best answer for us.You are going to have to be the one who crafts your version of healthy eating that is gonna stick with you for life. So I want you to just start thinking about that as the version of you who has the results you want without restriction or pressure. What does healthy eating look like?What is your version? And I think that’s a really important element to consider when doing the work of processing food guilt. […4.3s] So forth, I want you to build evidence that you can be trusted, but I wanna be very specific about this.I’m not saying to build evidence that you can be perfect […0.5s] food. I’m not saying to build evidence that you will always follow through with the plan, or you will constantly eat clean no matter what day it is. That is perfection and that is not the standards that you should be holding yourself to. It’s not that we shouldn’t have goals with healthy eating. That’s not what I’m saying.I’m saying don’t set standards of perfection. Trust with food is built around […0.6s] not avoiding failure, but in knowing you can be resourceful with it.So something that shifts a lot for women I coach is maybe they do come in thinking that trust with food means they’ll never overeat or they’ll never fall off track, whatever that is. But actually self trust is built when they realize they’re gonna fail, but when they do, they’re not gonna quit, they’re no longer gonna completely give up, fall on trap, fall off track. They’re still gonna keep moving towards their goal even with the human error. So I just want you to redefine what self trust means with food.And really what I think guilt perpetuates this. I’m doing it wrong mentality is that you’re not perfect, and, yeah, our brain would be right, we’re not perfect, we’re never going to be, we’re gonna do it, quote unquote, wrong, but that was never the point. That’s not why you don’t have the results you want with your body.What actually we wanna start leaning into is trust. Not that we’re gonna always follow the food plan or the diet, but that if we make a mistake or over eat or we’re still learning, we’re not gonna stop having the best intentions to do well, and we’re not gonna quit.Does that make sense? I think that’s a really important distinction. […4.0s] So my hope with this episode today is to give you a different perspective of guilt. If it is something that you’re dealing with or navigating right now with food. And I also want you to know you’re not alone.I think that when we feel isolated with our emotional experiences, […0.5s] we can feel […4.3s] really alone and we can suffer a lot in that.One of my, One of my biggest missions with my coaching and this podcast in my programs is to help you understand that no matter where you’re at, it is solvable now efficiently without willpower, without pushing yourself.There is another way. And most importantly that you are not alone. You are not flawed. You’re not doing things wrong. There’s likely just a lot of judgment occurring and […0.5s] the key is to learn how to navigate that. It’s not to fix ourselves. And we can begin navigating that now.Alright. So I hope that this episode was a little bit of a breath of fresh air or give you some different perspective. […7.4s]If you want to take this work to the next level, the next step is to sign up for my free course. So I have a free course called how to solve your Food Struggles in 5 Days. It will help you get started to becoming a naturally healthy eater and losing weight for the last time. So you can go to catrentice.Com forward slash course and can’t wait to see you there. I hope you have a wonderful week and I’ll talk to you next week. […2.0s]