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Jan 4

How to Stop Being a Victim – and Start Owning Your Life

How To Stop Being a Victim Kat Rentas

If you always feel like you’re a victim of the circumstances in your life…listen up.

Do you constantly catch yourself thinking, “Why me?”,  “What did I do to deserve this?”, or my personal favorite, “If it wasn’t for A, B, or C I wouldn’t have the results I currently have?”.

If so, I can say with utmost certainty that you are severely limiting your potential.

And you likely don’t have the results in life you want – simply because you’re in your own damn way.

And, let’s be real here… I’m no different!

When things are less than stellar, all my brain wants me to do is play the blame game.

Of course, we don’t want to believe our circumstances are under our control!

It’s much easier to blame outside parties for our results in life.

And while doing this makes it easier emotionally, it one-hundred percent prevents any change or growth from happening.

It becomes a major roadblock on our path to greatness.

The good news is, there’s a way out of this vicious circle.

Which is what I’m about to teach you.

The lessons learned here will provide you with immense value.

The tips I’m about to teach you will be the wake-up call you need to learn how to stop being a victim, so you can (finally) start owning your life.

I’m so excited for you to learn these concepts so you can apply them to your life ASAP.

Blame vs. Responsibility

Having a victim mindset can be a bit tricky, since many of us have it without even knowing it.

Here’s an easy way to tell: if you blame any feeling or result in your life on an external factor, you’re likely in a victim state of mind.

By blaming others for your results, you’re not taking responsibility for your actions.

Some people don’t only blame other people, they blame themselves as well.

Which is never productive or healthy.

In order to improve or grow, blame never needs to enter the equation.

The key isn’t to blame but is to take responsibility for our actions.

While the former makes you feel out of control and helpless, the latter makes you feel empowered and in control.

Blaming is useless and causes pain.

Responsibility is powerful and implies action.

This can be a hard pill to swallow for some.

Especially if you’ve been harmed in your past.

When we’ve been harmed by others it’s normal for us to justify our bad behavior.

What we don’t realize, is by doing this we give up all power and control.

Which ultimately prevents us from “showing up” in our lives.

What’s powerful to learn, is that no matter the circumstances of your past, or present, you are always in control of the feelings you have, and the results you produce.

Just because you have a victim mindset, does not mean you aren’t capable or worthy.

It’s simply a brain loop that keeps us stagnant.

My goal here is to help you escape it! 

How To Stop Being a Victim – Once and For All

1) Facts Above Drama

When you’re caught in a victim mentality you make every circumstance mean something negative about you.

An example would be if someone forgot to invite you to a party Saturday night.

You’ll likely think thoughts such as, “How dare she?!” or “What’s so wrong with me that I wasn’t invited!?”.

Now, while this might seem like a normal reaction to some, it’s ultimately not useful and is putting this person in a victim state of mind.

This is a prime example of someone indulging in the drama rather than the facts.

It’s important to acknowledge that not being invited to a party is a circumstance (or fact) that could have occurred due to a number of reasons.

So, making it inherently mean something negative about you isn’t productive and causes you to make negative assumptions that might not even be true.

Hence, the indulging in the drama part.

Drama serves no one and makes your brain believe things are worse than they are.

So, before you start assuming every circumstance in life is working against you, gather the facts and leave the drama out of it.

2) Learn to Experience Feelings

Most of the time when we feel negatively or something doesn’t go as planned, we react to it.

The reaction is usually blame and defensiveness.

We put the blame on others for making us feel a certain way.

Reacting in this way implies we’re constantly letting outside parties dictate how we feel.

The trick is to strive to be proactive, rather than reactive.

Proactive implies we intentionally feel our feelings, rather than reacting in a defensive manner.

In order to avoid a victim mindset, you’re going to have to get really good at feeling your feelings.

An example would be if someone was critiquing you for your poor work performance.

Your reactive response would perhaps be defensively blaming outside circumstances for your current performance.

A proactive response would be to listen and connect with the person speaking – regardless of the emotions your feeling.

By letting yourself feel any emotion, whether positive or negative, you remove the need to be defensive or blame others.

Which pulls you right out of that victim state of mind. 

3) Thrive Under Discomfort

As we previously mentioned, in order to stop being a victim you’re going to have to accept responsibility for your actions.

Spoiler Alert: Accepting responsibility doesn’t feel good. In fact, it feels insanely uncomfortable.

Because of this, many retract back to their victim ways, since it’s mentally more comfortable to make excuses as to why you have your current results.

Really, the trick to accepting responsibility is to accept that experiencing discomfort is normal when making a positive change.

Despite what your brain will try and convince you, there’s nothing wrong.

It means you’re growing.

When you understand that discomfort implies growth, you can more easily ditch the victim mindset and push forward knowing that you’re on the right track.

4) Rewrite Your Past

Many individuals have a long-lasting victim mentality from events that happened during childhood.

They use their circumstances from their past to control the results of their present – and future.

This is a way to avoid responsibility for the current results in their life.

If you’re in a victim mindset you likely believe you past happened to you.

I want you to rewrite the story of your past with the perspective that your past happened for you.

Even the greatest obstacles you overcame resulted in the person you are today.

Rewriting your past in a way that better serves your future is so beyond powerful.

5) Stop Giving Your Power Away

You are always in control of your feelings at any given time.

No one can take that away from you.

When you feel a negative emotion, your brain will try and convince you that another person caused that feeling.

Which causes you to blame, rather than take responsibility.

No person can determine how you feel, or how you perceive a situation.

When you blame someone else for your results, you give away all your power to them.

And think about this. Would you really trust another person to be in control of your emotional state?

The answer is likely, “Hell to the no!”

What’s crazy, is some people give away their power every day!

Imagine if little by little, you started taking responsibility for your feelings and results in life.

Seriously, think about where you’d be a year from now.

It’s utterly amazing to consider.

To Wrap Things Up…

I hope this article shed light as to how your victim mentality could be preventing you from reaching your true potential.

It’s important to note that everything laid out in this article needs to be practice intentionally.

Catching yourself in a victim mindset is oftentimes difficult.

Sometimes it sneaks up on us when we least expect it!

The key is to practice acknowledging it day-by-day and understanding that it no longer serves us.

Because you, and you alone, are responsible for your feelings and results in life.

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Kat Rentas, Healthy Eating Coach

Hey there! I'm Kat Rentas. I’m a certified life and health coach for women who believes that eating healthy should feel simple and sustainable. I teach hundreds of high-performing women to change their eating habits without the overwhelm. Want to change your eating habits in a way that is aligned with your needs, preferences, and goals? You’re in the right placeYou can read my full story here.