Hello, my friends, welcome back to the Healthy Eating for Busy Women podcast. I am thrilled that you’re here and again, thank you for taking time out of […0.5s] your day, your week to listen to this episode. I am again just so happy that you are here.Whether this is your first time, whether it’s your first episode, your 10th episode, your hundredth episode, I am endlessly thankful for you and do me a quick favor if you will. So if you end up really loving this episode or you’ve been here for some time and you’ve taken something away […0.5s] valuable from it, if you could just hop down to the bottom of your podcast platform and give this podcast a five star review, it helps inform the platform that this is valuable and it helps reach more women who it would help. So thank you so much in advance and I appreciate you.And today’s topic, it sounds like a loaded one, right? It’s called your Mature Transformation and I’m not gonna lie when I chose the title for this episode, I was like, well, that sounds condescending cat. And that sounds, it has this air of moral superiority. And that is not what I want to get at here.I definitely think that we can misconstrue the word mature to sound a bit patronizing or infantilizing. And that is not what we are doing here, y’all.What I want to position today is the role and the truth of who you will need to step into in order to have lasting results with your health, with your eating habits and with weight loss.Because we’re gonna use the words immature and mature today, but I want you to really hear me out so you can see how this serves you. We’re not using this to shame ourselves or patronize ourselves. When we think about an immature health transformation, and we all have one or the other, an immature health transformation […0.7s] is very urgent.It’s quick, desperate, hopeful, it feels very helpless. It’s when we feel […0.6s] very fearful, we feel attached to things going a certain way, and it just feels very impulsive. Y’all know what I mean.It’s when you really feel so exhausted and attached, and just this urgency and anxiety is fueling all of your decisions in this area of your life.And maybe you’ll find that the motivation in the beginning, covers this up. But then once that settles away, and things get back to day to day normal.It feels like that this […0.5s] unease is in your body. When you think about this transformation in your life, and making eating decisions that you wanna make and losing weight […0.5s] now. This version of ourselves, this immature, persona, we love her. There’s no, looking down on her in today’s episode. She’s great because y’all, this side represents […0.5s] the child side of you.So in my coaching, we talk a lot about our parent side and our child side, and neither one is positioned above each other. They actually sit at I level with mutual respect and regard. However, we need to acknowledge the role of each and what’s happening.When we attempt to transform […0.6s] a fueled by our child side, it creates a lot of problems because the child side of you guys […0.6s] represents the side who is tired, she’s scared, and she just wants change, but she may have been taught how to do it in a way that burns her out and doesn’t serve her. So truly, all I want you to picture you when you’re very young, Picture you as a kid and I want you to imagine walking into a room and sitting at eye level with her and how […0.5s] would you speak to her? What tone would you use? What regard would you hold her in? Right?So that’s the energy we’re gonna have today when we talk about that immature side, we’re not talking down about her.We’re just acknowledging that she sounds like a child because she is a child and that’s a part of our brain that we all have. This represents our very primitive side. In order for real change to occur, we need to step into […0.6s] our mature parents […0.5s] role.So this is our prefrontal cortex area and this is the part where you can have the child side of you and the parent side co exist. And the mature part will need to co exist in natural order. And when we step into this mature parent role, we can do this health transformation. Right?Okay. We can do this in a way that is profoundly healing. We do not skip steps. It lasts long term for life. And then we can also hold space for this more […0.6s] like immature child who is that way for very human reasons that are totally okay.Because there is a really big difference between how that wounded child part of ourselves would go about a weight journey and a healthy eating journey and how this empowered, clear minded parent part of ourselves would go about it. Okay.And I even want us to consider that, think back and notice the difference in how you approach a health journey as that kind of wounded child part of ourselves versus that empowered adult side. You will have access both of them.What we wanna do here today is just understand that both exist, and how to know whether you’re in one or the other, so you have more control over it.Okay, and actually how we’re gonna take this further is acknowledging the difference when you are going through a health journey between performing and skill building.So performing and skill building is the tactical difference between a very surface level rushed transformation weight loss, whatever your goal is versus long term foundational at the root transformation.So let’s talk about […0.6s] performance, and this is gonna relate to our impulsive fearful child side. We love her, but there are reasons why this is her demeanor.And let’s imagine that this child side of us, she and you have had really high stakes and pressure in the past in her life, especially when it comes to weight loss. And her results […0.6s] have always been inconsistent. They’ve been unpredictable, and she’s never felt stable in this area of her life.This child side really wants to succeed. She knows she’s probably capable somehow, but nothing ever seems to work for her, right? Despite having all the knowledge when it comes to health, consuming all of the advice, she still doesn’t have the results to chauffeur for it. And that’s what makes her feel very tender.So at the end of the day, this fearful child side of us feels like a failure and she feels like she’s doing something wrong. She doesn’t know why she can’t get it right. And if she’s being really honest, she feels shameful, she feels inadequate.And maybe at this point, even though she thinks she might be capable, she feels helpless and incapable as well of the changes she wants to make.So all of this tender persona leads us to prioritizing performance. And I’m gonna explain what performance looks like because when you are in this child, performance mode, you will approach your transformation and health journey this way.It is. When you are focused on one thing, you are focused on proving something about yourself, because let’s remember this tender child side is having a lot of thoughts of self blame and adequacy and shame. So performance is about self worth.It’s about doing things right, getting a feeling accomplished, proving we can climb the mountain in the way we think the mountain, should exist in the way, we think weight loss should exist. We wanna do a good job, we don’t wanna fail, we don’t wanna do it wrong.See what I’m getting at here. Y’all, this has nothing to do with the end results you want in a health journey. And this is the big mistake that we will not see a lot of you do not have the results you want, and you feel stuck.I’ve been here too, because you think you’re putting in all this effort towards a result, […0.5s] but actually the result doesn’t have much to do with it in your brain.What this child side is really seeking is validation, and to feel enough to solve an emotional problem of inadequacy and shame, and to solve all of these thoughts of I should be able to do this, right, what’s wrong with me?Why can’t I figure this out? If you fuel your health journey from wanting to perform well and do it right and never fail. You’re gonna burn yourself out because 1, it’s not possible, 2, […0.5s] not fail your way to a long term result.And we’re gonna talk about that in a second. And two thoughts like these. When you feel your actions with shame and inadequacy and all of these thoughts, it’s gonna deplet all of your emotional energy. You get a limited amount of emotional energy per day.And if you’re perpetuating your actions with your weight loss from shame, and I should have done it right, and I’m failing, it’s just gonna be a recipe for burnout. And this is what creates that all or nothing pattern that so many of us have been in our lives with weight loss and healthy eating.And it is quite literally why I do what I do now and to help women like us who have this problem.So this is representative of that child side and we love her so much and she’s been through all the things and we can have so much compassion for her because we’ve been putting this on her shoulders and letting her run the show because she’s trying to prove that she can do something and she’s trying to get the a and perform her way there. And my friends, that’s never gonna happen. And this is the best and worst news.The news is that you are going to have to skill build your way to the long term results you want.Okay, and I’m gonna explain why this is good news and bad news. The good news is that this makes the stakes way lower. You do not have to be perfect to […0.5s] achieve your goals because what is skill building? It is Trial and error, the error being the part where you learn what works for you and what doesn’t. So the stakes are very low in order for you to start creating your transformation.The bad news is this will come in conflict with your child side because […0.5s] you’re gonna have to participate in error that to the child mean she’s doing it wrong, she’s failing, she’s not gonna do this.Because what you thought required performance actually just requires skill building, learning to eat healthy and lose weight long term.We can compare it to learning a sport or learning any skill, right? You have to get on […0.6s] the core or the field and learn how to do things by taking action, failing, figuring it out.What you have been taught is that healthy eating weight loss is simply a checklist that your human body, that your emotions, that you are a checklist. And you should just be able to check things off.That is not the case, my friends. And that is why we have not been creating the long term results we want. So scale building in case it’s not obvious. It is representative of our mature […0.5s] parent side.So she knows that logically she cannot fail. Those are just mean thoughts about herself. She can’t fail. That’s not even a thing, that is nothing more than a judgment. She always knows what to do.And if she doesn’t know the direct answer, she knows how to hypothesize and figure it out.She understands the value of trial and error. Even if the child emotionally feels triggered by that process. She doesn’t wait to be sure to take action. She doesn’t take action or not take action from fear, helplessness or an attachment to certainty. So she’s resourceful, deliberate and focused on doing.And then here is the biggest thing about […0.5s] the parents, It’s what’s going to make all of this feel calmer is that she doesn’t work against this child side of you that feels scared and hopeless. She works with her in a consensual […0.6s] way. It is a partnership, right?So what’s gonna happen is you will need to step into this parent role with yourself and this is what I teach my clients how to do. If you wanna learn how to do this, join my membership.It’s gonna teach you exactly how you are going to need to step into your parent role where what happens is as the parent, you approach skill building with this child in a way that contributes to her healing.So for example, in my process, the first thing you learn how to do is regulate your stress and your emotions.So this means actually acknowledging this child’s fear and helplessness and shame. And you can do that in a way that actually doesn’t bring up more suffering, it relieves you. It feels like an exhale. And this means, rather than shaming your way to the results you want.That’s not what skill building is. Scale building when you use the right skills means partnering with yourself, getting closer to yourself and healing in all aspects in order to get this done.So the skills you learn in my process, for example, you learn stress regulation, thought awareness, […0.5s] body cues, you learn how to make really clear food choices and then, you enjoy your meals more without overindulging, things like that.All of these skills are designed to allow you to balance this child side that is scared, maybe she does feel helpless, maybe she is doubtful with this parent side that can walk hand in hand with her. So you’re not being held back and you’re not burning out […0.5s] from this child side. Does that make sense?It really is a balance. And […0.6s] what I want you to understand is that performance doesn’t require any self parenting because all you’re doing is demanding from yourself.So in my process, we call this the drill sergeant. So a drill sergeant doesn’t parent. It actually doesn’t require them to do much at all except demand and to have expectations. And that is what you’re having towards your child self. We don’t need your child self to change. Nothing’s wrong with her.Nothing’s wrong with this more immature side of our brain. All we need to do is start inserting that firm but kind parent piece to come in and understand that this is scale building that needs to happen. You have to participate in trial and error, not set unrealistic expectations that a checklist is gonna come upon you.And then you’re not gonna have to […0.6s] figure this out through trial and error that you’re just gonna be able to have a checklist of what to what not to do will power your way through it.And my love that is not going to be healing at the deepest level, because what you will need to understand about eating healthy naturally and losing weight for the last time is it’s not going to look like anyone else’s version, but yours. It is gonna look unique to you.And I say this all the time about, my process to my clients. We have a blueprint together of the skills we need to learn. It’s the pillars of our process, right? We have a four step process.You will learn exactly what to do when you come in from beginning to end. However, like the blueprint gets the structure of the house up, and then how you customize it and design it to work for you. Is gonna be based on your trial and error, right.And this is a beautiful thing. This is why it’s gonna last, because you’re not gonna have to restrict yourself, you’re not gonna have to willpower yourself, you’re not gonna have to force […0.5s] all of the time, which is gonna burn you out.So what I want you to know, and sometimes this is just the understanding we need to change everything.Is that what you thought […0.6s] weight loss, healthy eating, a health transformation required was you to perform highly, okay, for you to follow a checklist for you to do things right, and deplete yourself and exhaust yourselves to earn it.That is not strategically actually how this happens. And I don’t say this cause it’s romantic or cute or nice, although I hope it is. I really say it because this is tactically what needs to happen for your deeper healing.It’s not performance, my love. It is scale building. And that means the stakes are way lower, but we can position ourselves more highly in higher regard as the parent as we move throughout that process of that scale building.So I hope this gave you some thought nuggets for today. I hope it was helpful.Again, if you want the highest level of healing structure, a community to take you from wherever you’re at now, I’m so serious. It doesn’t matter where you’re starting from. You can join my membership today and have a complete transformation within months. Women are doing it all the time in the membership.It’s an incredible space, so if you wanna join us, we have a seat kept warm for you. We would love to welcome you in. Go to cat rent us com forward slash membership […0.5s] and join the family today. We would love to have you. I love you so much. Thank you for being here, endlessly grateful for you. And I will talk to you next week.