Hello, my friends, welcome back to the Healthy Eating for Busy Women podcast. I am so happy that you’re here with me today. I’m grateful that you could find some time to learn how to take care of yourself and to make healthy eating a bit easier.And today I really wanna talk about the concept of just wanting to change your body. So that might be why you’re here and listening to this episode. Maybe you just want to feel better in your body, you want to improve some health symptoms, maybe you wanna lose weight.But I really want to talk about […0.4s] what it looks like in society to even want to change your body and how a lot of cultural judgments that come up can keep you from creating the results you want.So we’re gonna dig deep into this topic today as usual, I always say on this podcast, it is not my mission to fit you into my perspectives or my way of thinking. I just always want you guys to consider how, what I’m saying applies to you in your own way.And I think at the end of the day, our journeys with our bodies are so personal as well as our goals with it.And what I am most concerned about is that you feel really validated and certain about the goals that you have with your body. Because I think society pressures us as women to either love our bodies unconditionally without any thought of changing it, or to just push ourselves and will power ourselves to certain body […0.4s] standards. And I want you to know that there is a sustainable middle and that’s what we’re gonna talk about today.I’ll also mention as well, this is a really common topic that’s coming up right now in my on your eating habits membership. So if you want a hub, a space, a community of women all doing this work to […0.5s] eat healthy, naturally and lose weight for the last time, it’s gonna be a really lovely space for you. And we just did our monthly topic workshop this past month on how to stop starting over on Mondays. It was fantastic and we did a lot of coaching. And if you want to join now, our topic for next month is going to be what to eat when you don’t have a plan. So we really equip you for any and all situations when it comes to navigating healthy eating. If it sounds like a good fit and you want some accountability, I would love for you to join us.Go to cat rent us com forward slash membership and you can find all the information there.Alright. So let’s talk about the want to change your body. So we need to cover why it’s not shameful to want to change your body, how to discern your truth with that from societal pressures to change your body, and how to move forward with changing your body from a place of self trust and leadership where you can block out all the noise.Because I know what it is like to feel stuck between the push and pull extremes of being forced to love your body or being told that you should just be grateful for the body you have and it’ll constantly feel like that you’re doing it wrong.I want you to know that if you’ve ever had the thought, I just don’t feel like myself in my body or I would just prefer to have different results, this is the episode for you and you’re gonna feel really validated.And here are some common thoughts I […0.4s] have heard from women I’ve helped from all of you, and I have also had these thoughts as well. I don’t hate my body, but I just don’t feel at home in it. I’m told I should love my body how it is, but I just don’t.If I want to change my body, does that mean I’m being self critical or not loving myself? It feels like I just have to pretend I like my body when I actually don’t.In today’s episode, I really want to hold space for those of you who feel like you’re somewhere in the middle where you have all the best intentions to respect yourself, to care for yourself, and love yourself, but you also don’t feel satisfied with the results you have.You have likely been told that the only way to correctly love your body is to accept all the circumstances with it and to just practice self love and self confidence with whatever body you have.And while the intentions of this are amazing, there are some of us where that doesn’t feel authentically accessible.And that’s completely normal. This is coming from someone who has tried to force self love in the past and have coached many women who have tried to do this and it doesn’t work out because it’s not your truth.And then it leaves you feeling like you’re doing the whole […0.5s] self love thing wrong because you don’t have those loving thoughts accessible.You’ll get told you’re beating yourself up, you’re not loving yourself enough, and that you’re just being really hard on yourself and you’ll just sit there thinking that there’s something you must be missing.I want you to feel relieved knowing that this does not mean any things […0.5s] wrong with you, that we don’t have to assume the worst of you. And this doesn’t mean you’re beating yourself up and you don’t have the best intentions.Here’s the truth of it. After coaching hundreds of women through this, there tend to be two categories of women I see, and both of them are valid.The first is a woman who has circumstances about her body that don’t really fit into the ideal standards of beauty, which almost all of us as women will have.So maybe we’re too fat, we’re too skinny, we’re too muscular, we’re not fit enough, whatever it is, being a woman is impossible, let’s be honest. But there are women where beautifully, so they do have a capacity to have […0.4s] loving thoughts with the circumstances of their body, no matter what.It’s so amazing to see because you really see that these women are celebrating their bodies, holding them in a really high regard where they can show up fully to their lives, dress how they want, to feel sexy, have fun, and just find their style.Again, it’s so lovely to watch women feel at home in their bodies, regardless of size or shape. This is a woman who can accept the circumstances of her body exactly as they are at that time. And I believe that this is the type of woman who the body positivity movement was really helpful for.And I think it’s so incredible that we were able to have that moment as women cause this type of shift is available to this type of woman.And then I want us to consider a second category of women that is often overlooked. And I would have more fallen into this category, which is why I struggled for so many years.It’s the women who feel a bit pressure to subscribe to the body positivity movement when it doesn’t quite feel authentic to them. And the way they think feel like you need to have loving thoughts about your body no matter what, despite not liking the circumstances that you have with your body.You feel pressure to have loving thoughts and enjoy your body no matter what, despite the circumstances with your body that you don’t prefer. You feel pressure to have loving thoughts about your body and enjoy it, no matter what the circumstances of it are.And you think, well, I should just accept it the way it is, right. And then when that love isn’t accessible to you, and it feels like you’re lying to yourself, then you’re just confused, frustrated, and wondering what you’re doing wrong.And then even worse, you’ll be accused of hating your body, needing to practice self love more, and just frankly needing a more positive mindset, which you guys will already know.This is gonna piss you off a little […0.4s] bit. If anyone has ever said, well, you just need to learn the body you have, and in your truth, you know that that’s not the solution for you.And you guys, I will tell you right now. If you’ve never been a client of mine, or maybe you’re new to me, that is never the advice I’m going to give you, is to just practice self love. It’s just not the way it works. But here’s why I think this is the place we’re in as a society, and how it makes sense why we’re here.I think we’re in a society that has a low tolerance right now for wanting to make changes to our bodies, just because we want to, not for a noble reason, like to better our health, to be an inspiration to other women, but just because it’s something that you and your person once in your life.Not because you don’t respect your body or hate it, but because you genuinely just have certain preferences for how you want to look and feel.These are your gut values, and they should be validated because free will opinion and your value should always be validated when it comes to your personal health.There is a reason why so much of my coaching and my work has centered around ownership and decision making is because I see so many of us as women, myself included, […0.6s] outsourcing what health should look like, outsourcing when we should do things to change the circumstances of our body.And I want you to get in the practice of deciding […0.4s] for yourself what changes you want to make for reasons that feel good to you.Not cause you should love your body or not because you should conform to the beauty standards of society either, but for reasons that in your gut are true to you. And for some of you, those reasons aren’t gonna be […0.5s] self love and something noble. It’s just gonna because you want to.I hope this can alleviate some pressure right now, knowing you don’t need noble reasons to want to change your body. So much of the time as women, we will be shamed for doing something or creating a result just because we want to.Losing weight, making more money, […0.7s] any accomplishment we want to achieve, we have to have a reason for it that benefits society or benefits everyone around us as a whole. And if they don’t, it’s called being selfish, not loving yourself. There must be some shameful reason behind it.And as women, I really want us to get in the practice of not having to prove why we want to create a result, specially health and weight loss.What I most want for you is to make a decision to change your results with your body from a neutral grounded place where you can make that decision from your gut values that you are certain about. So in my teachings, this is what I call caregiver energy. So caregiver energy lives in your gut. It’s not flighty. It feels really safe.And it’s that kind but firm energy that can make firm decisions really quickly. Caregiver either is a yes or a no, and she knows her reasons behind it. She’s resourceful, she’s deliberate, and she’s got nothing to prove. She’s fully in her adult energy and she knows her core values.Then there’s another persona I teach called the drill sergeant. And as you can imagine, this is the part of us that will shame us for […0.6s] our decision making and set really harsh expectations. Drill sergeant pressures, shames and will powers us to perform.This is often how the diet industry is portrayed and it’s what a lot of us as women are still healing from.It’s the just shut up and do it by society standards approach. And it often comes from trauma or conditioning that we’ve been through, which is why it’s so valid if you will still have those thoughts. And then another persona that comes up in my teachings is called the Fun Ant.And here’s the thing about the Fun ant. We love her, but she’s kind of fluffy. She’s not like the caregiver where she parents and has that grounded energy. She’s all about feeling good and she develops in us […0.4s] often as a reaction to being in the drill sergeant energy for some time.She’s a little caddly. And she doesn’t want us to feel burned because of our past with the drill sergeant. She wants us to feel safe, not pressured. And she doesn’t want us to push ourselves.It’s very protective, especially with what so many of us have been through with dieting restrictive weight loss or whatever that is for you.I want you to notice the resistance you may have to taking action in this area of your life really deliberately. So that might look like just deciding to eat healthier because you want different results with your body or setting a weight loss goal.If there’s a part of you perhaps that feels like that could be toxic or non useful, it might be because […0.5s] you’re fearing going back to this really restrictive drill sergeanty place when really we just need you to be a caregiver. And a caregiver isn’t fluffy about her goals. She’s clear.And if the concept of accepting your body, no matter what the circumstances are doesn’t fit you, then I want you to know it is safe to want to make changes with your body. And that doesn’t mean you’re going to pressure or push yourself to that point.One of the most painful experiences will be trying to force yourself to be comfortable with a body that you do not feel at home in. Not because of your body or because you’re even having super hateful thoughts about it, but because it’s not your truth.Whatever your truth is with your body, whatever body will make you feel most like yourself is beautiful. We want you to be happy. We want you to be healthy.Yes, of course, all those things exist, but you cannot start taking steps to being healthier and happier until you find your truth for doing that work. If your truth isn’t to love yourself more or because you love yourself and having loving thoughts, you’re not gonna take action.So here’s a perspective shift I really want us to have together. It’s okay to want to change your body, not from shame, not from obligation, not from moral pressure, but from preference, from truth, from groundedness, from that gut feeling that you want to be in a body that makes you feel like you. So here’s how I want you to consider applying this concept into your life now. These are some things you can reflect on.First off, identify the voice in your head that has thoughts about your body at all. Is it that drill sergeant who feels like they’re pressuring you and has high expectations for your body?Is it that fun and who feels a little cuddly and just doesn’t want you to pressure yourself and not set a goal at all? Or is it that caregiver that feels really decided on what your goals are, and you don’t have to prove why that goal matters to you to anyone?It’s your business. I also encourage you to sit and consider what circumstances with your body would feel most like you. And you guys, it might not even be a specific weight. We can think broader. What type of clothes would you wanna wear? How would you treat it every day? How would you think about it? What would you do and what would you not do?Just start piecing those things together because it might look different than you originally thought. I think the biggest thing that surprised me when I did this work […0.4s] is I wasn’t a woman who walked around constantly looking in the mirror and saying, oh, I love my body. She looks so amazing.Actually. I’ve become a woman who just rarely thinks about my body at all, even though I take action to create the results I want. Because the self love approach was not accessible to me.Even though it can be for some other people and I have coached those people. For me, I more identified with a life where my body was able to just be a body. And when that became the case, I could make changes with it without having all this pressure to love it all the time. So I hope that resonates with some of you and make sense. We’re all different.This episode is not to put us in a box at all. It’s just to offer some possibilities for the way we think, in the way we might wanna approach this differently.I also encourage you to ask yourself what are my preferences and the decisions I wanna make for my body separate from societal expectations, my past trauma. What do I want right now?Spot and see when you’re overriding your truth, because you want to be morally correct or have noble reasons for wanting to change your body. This is something I actually notice in coaching a lot, which is so valid. I’ve been here too.Is all have clients sometimes either afraid to set a weight loss goal, not so much now, cause we talk about it a lot. But they don’t want to be too restrictive. And they want to assure me that they’re committed to the long term approach. And I always am thinking the best of my clients.I know they’re committed. I know they are there to leave no stone unturned, and solve further eating habits and heal long term. But I notice sometimes as women will feel like we have to prove ourselves when we set a goal to change our body. And it’s just not true, but again I digress.I want you to start trusting that wanting to change your body doesn’t mean you lack respect for it. It doesn’t mean you hate your body or that you’re beating yourself up. What if it just means you’re listening to yourself and your preferences and the actions you wanna take? Because here’s the thing.I hope this goes without saying, but it needs to be said. When I see a woman celebrating herself and feeling at home in our body, no matter the circumstances with it, it is a beautiful thing, and there’s nothing I love more.On the other hand, when I see a woman who’s uncomfortable in her body, not feeling satisfied because she’s forcing herself to love it.I was that woman. I want someone to give her permission and say, it’s okay […0.5s] if you don’t love your body right now. You don’t have to love it to wanna make changes with it. It can just be your preference.For those of you who relate to this, this will feel validating and it might even feel like a relief.I know it did for me. And once I felt like I could stop having to prove why I wanted to lose weight and get healthier, I could do it so much more excessively. Because my reasons and fuel for doing it were that I just wanted to.I think the fear people have around normalizing this concept is that we’re gonna go back to that drill sergeant highly restrictive way of eating and setting goals with weight loss to that drill sergeant that punishes, shames and forces ourselves to a goal no matter what.But what I believe is that we can as women stay stuck […0.5s] out of fear that we’re gonna go back to where we’ve been […0.4s] with dieting and with the weight loss industry.We can’t cuddle those who don’t wanna be cuddled into self love by trying to convince us as women, oh, I should just love myself when that’s not where we’re at, that’s not what’s available, when really ultimately, that’s not your truth at any given moment.And y’all, it does not mean anything about you, your body, or your goals. If you don’t have loving thoughts about your body right now, it means your brain is being a brain, and healing can happen. But we don’t have to shame the pace […0.5s] of your healing and the thoughts that are offered to you.We need to stop living in the extremes of assuming that we’re either in the drill sergeant mindset, or we’re coddling ourselves in the fun. And, and instead get into that caregiver energy where we just set goals from knowing what we want.That middle is finding your knowing, making some decisions, trusting yourself to make the best decisions for you, and coming from that place of leadership.It’s taking ownership of your values, your judgments, and your decisions. It’s getting back into your gut rather than spinning in your head with what you should be doing and from there, that is when I want you to decide what is best for your body and what goal you wanna set with it.I think this is what makes my program so effective, because if this is resonating with you, you likely are fit for my concepts.There’s definitely a specific type of person who I tend to coach. I’m never making assumptions about you as an eater or as a woman who wants to lose weight. I am always helping you find your reasons for doing so that are gonna clear the resistance you might be having. I am always going to help you find your reasons for losing weight that you absolutely love. So you don’t feel pressured or forced, […0.4s] and I’m gonna help you become aware when you’re not taking actions for reasons you don’t like.It is so important to me that you all are feeling like the leaders of you’re eating decisions and decisions with your body, which is literally why my membership is called own your Eating Habits. Maybe that’s obvious, but it’s so important to me that you guys know that it is not your job to fit into a box or a process with this area of your life. It is my job as your coach to find how my process and my concepts fit you individually. Because when it comes to healthy eating and weight loss, there’s just what you want, that’s it. What you want, there’s no agenda, there’s no grade, there’s no police.This is all about you and your life. So trust yourself to make the right decisions for you when it comes to changing your body. Because despite the fears in the world right now for women which are so valid, […0.7s] it’s, is your life, it’s your world, it’s your body.You deserve to have a relationship with yourself where you see yourself as the best caregiver and can decide for yourself the body that you want and the circumstances with your body that you wanna have.Thanks so much for listening. I hope this feel was helpful for those of you who relate to this angle. And if you want more support with this, don’t hesitate to join us in the on your eating habits community. We are doing such deep work there, and if you join that process, you will learn exactly how to change your eating habits completely, become a naturally healthy eater in a way that fits you and your preferences, and also lose weight for that last time. If that’s your goal […0.6s] without willpower, we do things there at the most foundational level.Link is in the show notes if you want to join. I love you. I hope you have an excellent week, and I’ll talk to you next week.