Hello, my friends, welcome back to the Healthy Eating for Busy Women podcast. I’m so happy you’re here with me. If you are new, my name is Kat and […0.4s] I’m happy you found your way to this podcast in whatever corner of internet or social media you happen to come from. I am really here to help you make healthy eating feel easier and more accessible and really solving your food and weight struggles for the last time. That is my specialty.So if this is your first episode […0.6s] of this podcast, welcome. By the title, you might already see that this is not gonna be a light topic, but we just keep it real here. I’m not here to sugarcoat anything for you guys. I want you to really […0.6s] solve this problem.And I know if you are here listening to me that is something you’re so committed to doing and you’re not looking for the fluff, you’re looking for the real and you’re looking for what is gonna get you there most efficiently.So the title of this podcast, haha, is […0.4s] filling the void. And I wanna set us up today to just have a really vulnerable open conversation, […0.5s] alright? Because I know a lot of us are very logical. We like to stay in our heads a lot and to figure things out intellectually, which always applies, right?But I also want to make sure […0.4s] we’re creating space for emotionally checking in because that’s where all of the answers are to solving this problem.I have been a coach for quite some time now, and part of coaching, especially with women, maybe like you or like myself, […0.5s] is really having us learn that when we intellectualize things too heavily, we’re missing a lot of our true answers for why we don’t have the results we want. And I’m gonna talk about that a bit today when we talk about filling the void.And really what I mean by this is if you’re here, and you wanna get healthier, and you wanna do it right.Chances are that you have experienced this void or this lack in your life from not having your ideal body. And this is something that has probably been misunderstood by people who know you love you. And maybe you have felt very alone with this desire to be healthier.So that is what I wanna validate today. And I wanna help walk you through that. But what I need you to do with me here on the podcast today is to be really honest with yourself always, but especially today.Right. So, something quick side note before we get into it. […0.5s] Now these episodes are going to be available in video format on a YouTube channel, which is so fun.So […0.4s] if you are interested in watching these episodes on video, I know I get no stop sorry, sit. I know I get a lot from episodes when I can visually see them. So go to Healthy Eating for Busy Women on YouTube, and you will find these episodes under that channel.And also if you are watching this episode on video, you can see I have dyed my hair. We are dark brown, so having a little bit of an identity crisis over here. So fun.Alright, so […0.5s] filling the void, let’s get into it. I want you to know […0.5s] from coaching women for many years, I have seen myself women fill the void in a lot of different ways when we don’t have the results with our body that we want, so the void is not having our ideal body, right?We know that having different results, our ideal weight feeling comfortable would change so much. But when we don’t have that result, what are we left with? We’re left with the gap of this area of fulfillment.So there’s a few select ways I see women feeling this void when they don’t have that result. So one is, we do a lot of research and we have interest in creating our healthiest body and we do a lot of things to solve for it, but we don’t ultimately have the result, right?So really, you guys, when you do a lot of consuming of information and you take lots of programs, courses, you intellectually build your, informational vault in your brain, but you don’t have the result yet.I want you to think of this like a south. And it’s a coping mechanism where you’re not getting closer to the result, but you don’t have to address why.So that is a big piece of the vulnerability. Today is when we think about filling the void of not having the body you want. I want us to uncover what you’re filling that gap with. That is a coping mechanism for not actually having to look at […0.6s] this void. Does that make sense?So one way is we research, we have a lot of interest without solving […0.6s] for the actual result.Type a women are very good at this, I’m very good at this. And then the opposite end of the spectrum is when we fill the void […0.4s] with comfort, right? So emotional eating, overeating, overworking, over Netflixing, over buying, and that’s when we distract from the void that is there.And what know and what, you know, that not everyone understands is that […0.6s] your healthiest self and your ideal body is the end result now that’s missing from your life.And I think it’s really hard for people to understand this because what you likely feel is that small improvements with your health never quite […0.5s] feel like enough.So […0.6s] you have in your mind a full […0.4s] transformation that, is available to you. And I think this is when, loved ones or well meaning friends they say, no, you really are healthy, no, you really are […0.7s] beautiful or you look great, whatever it is.It’s when those comments don’t really make sense to you. And I’m not talking about that we should be shameful or, have a negative relationship with our body. What I’m referring to is the authentic once to be your healthiest self and feel the most comfortable you can be.And sometimes in today’s day and age, we feel like we can’t admit that. You want to have that optimized version of yourself where you wake up not feeling exhausted, you feel light, you feel ready to throw on whatever clothing you have because, it’ll look good, you can keep up with the grandkids. Maybe it’s just your spouse.When you exercise, you’re not gonna feel miserable cause you’ll actually feel […0.6s] healthy.You maybe know you can give a work presentation or whatever it is, work event, and, how you look will match the quality of the work that you have worked so hard to present, right? It’s a reflection your body of everything you want to be. And this is more an identity piece that I’m referring to.And so this is the void that a lot of us are having is we feel like we don’t identify with the body that we have once again, right?Many will tell you that this means your vein, that it’s coming from shame, that you must be a sad story, that these desires must mean you don’t love yourself. But I want you to know that it is the opposite.And I don’t think enough people will tell us this. If you are having a gap, avoid, because your body doesn’t quite feel like you and the level of health you want. This is the most […0.5s] loving thing you can have in your life, because it means you are feeling called to a greater version of yourself that is created from higher care. It is the best intention.You are not someone […0.6s] who probably settles for less than extraordinary in your life. And a lot of people […0.4s] do, […0.6s] right? I think something really common about those of you who find me and who resonate with my work is we are the other sometimes, right?You are someone who doesn’t wanna settle. You wanna have the best experience of your life in your body, and that is something not everyone’s gonna understand, and most rule one and be okay with an ordinary experience of their human body, but that’s not you, you want more related to.This is most of you listening probably have a life with things that you can be grateful for, right. So how much of the time do we notice a void where we’re not quite happy? We maybe even feel anxious, depressed, irritable, because […0.6s] we’re not in the healthy body that we wanna be in.And we know we could be, but then we almost invalidate ourselves, cause we’re like, I have so much to be grateful for. I have a spouse who loves me, or great friends who tell me how beautiful I am, or […0.5s] kids or whatever. It is a great house, and this is one of the most painful experiences.Not in the fact that a lot of us are privileged and think we have things to be grateful for, right? But in the sense that […0.6s] these wants and these desires and this void […0.6s] doesn’t feel justified. Because you’ll think, why am I suffering so much in this when I have so much to be grateful for?And so much of this episode today, you guys, I want to validate you. I want you to know that if you are having a void, and it is a desire of yours to have this optimal body that you feel healthiest in, do not let anyone tell you that that’s not relevant, and that that desire doesn’t matter.Because if this is a void you are having, and it’s something you’ve wanted for years, maybe your entire life. There’s gonna be no positivity or invalidation that fills this gap. You’re gonna have to create these results. No, and here’s why I’m addressing this. I want to validate you, but it’s not just that. I want you to know doing this for a long time, have done this with myself.If you don’t fill this void of your ideal body, because it’s something you really value. You will fill it in other unhealthy ways that do not serve you, and take you further from the body you want.So I introduced a few, but I wanna get more into them, and I wanna talk about three main ones I see, […0.7s] and really be vulnerable today with yourself, and think where am I doing this now, and not being honest with myself.So the very first […0.5s] one, as I mentioned, so the first and most commonly is filling […0.5s] the void of not having the body you want with other areas of success.I think this is what I coach on the most in the past decade of coaching, is women who are highly successful or ambitious or […0.6s] Izzy, hence the name of the podcast, or they’re just really forward thinking, right?And it’s when you really feel like you have a forward focus in all other areas of your life, but you can’t seem to make it work in this one. And a lot of the times this does become a coping mechanism.So maybe you find yourself at work or as a mom, whatever you do with your day, and you find that it really matters to you that you show up as your best with your highest capabilities.So I remember I was the type of person that when I first got a job as a teenager, really […0.7s] random jobs like customer service things like that. And I would always be the person in the room who cared most about the quality of the work I provided.Do you guys know what I mean? I know a lot of you relate to this where it doesn’t matter what job you are doing or what your task is, you want to do it to the best of your ability, and you really care about performance, about the quality of work you provide.And any room you step in, you probably are the one […0.5s] who cares the most. And this […0.5s] allows you to excel in the workplace quickly. Maybe it gives you promotions, maybe you write another book or whatever it is.And this is a great quality to have, […0.7s] but I want you guys to notice when this can feel like it’s not quite satisfying you. It doesn’t mean we wanna stop doing these things, but I want you guys to notice how you never quite feel successful enough. You never feel qualified enough.There’s just something always missing, and I see it over and over again with women I coach who are not yet solving for the results with their body that they want.They don’t yet feel satisfied or they never feel satisfied from their career […0.5s] goals because nothing is ever […0.4s] enough, and it’s not enough just to get promoted. They have to get promoted in the next one and then the next one.The bar always goes up, and so I want you to think about […0.5s] if you had the results with your body that you wanted.This isn’t gonna be all of you, but some of you. If you really felt every morning like your stress was regulated, you felt light and healthy, comfortable, confident, […0.6s] would you feel more at peace at work? And would you feel the safety […0.4s] to lean back and just have the results you have in your career?Because so much of the time, what’s happening with those of you, maybe you’re a mom or business owner, lawyer, whatever it is, you’re not actually letting yourself have the success you’ve created in your career. You’re always coping by always moving on to the next […0.5s] thing.And this happens with you moms too, right? It’s oh, I could have been a better mother if I did this. Oh, I’ve got to […0.6s] sign up my kids for the next thing. Oh, I always have to make sure I’m doing this and that for everyone else which will […0.6s] also get to.But this is a coping mechanism that […0.5s] seems like it’ll fill the gap in the void and this lack of fulfillment, but it never really does. So the next way we attempt to fill this void, especially as women, you guys, is to meet everyone else’s […0.5s] needs.And I want you guys to know, of course, this makes a lot of sense for you moms, but this also applies to pretty much every woman I’ve ever coached.It’s something that […0.5s] we will get a pat on the back for in society, right. There is no one who’s going to tell us that we shouldn’t be meeting everyone’s needs.Sure, we’ll have well meaning friends or family say you just need to take a break. You deserve to take some time off and do stuff for yourself. But, we’ll always find that we’re always caring more about everyone else’s needs than our own. And we’ll do this in small ways.The small ways this happens are you will say yes to more things than you need to, […0.5s] to parent properly or complete a work goal. You won’t say no to things that you don’t wanna do and, aren’t necessary.Another thing is we won’t prioritize very well from this place because we’re more focused on meeting everyone else’s needs and approval versus actually doing things correctly.So this is something that we do to fill a void and it kind of relates to people pleasing as well. We really are so focused externally on meeting everyone else’s needs very well because deep down we have this void where we’re not meeting our own.And this is gonna relate differently to different people, but […0.5s] take what serves you here and leave what doesn’t see where what I’m saying may apply to you in your own way.Because this is one that I see pretty universally that somewhere we are just so much better […0.5s] at prioritizing other people’s needs rather than the basic needs […0.7s] we have to create the body we want. And really I think what happens is the coping mechanism here, right? Cause that’s what these are, is the more we focus on how good we are at meeting other people’s needs, the less we have to look at where we’re not meeting ours.It’s a distraction, and then what happens here, which is really dicey is we start to build resentment […0.5s] for meeting everyone else’s needs and not having time to ourselves.We start to really believe that other people are the problem, and then this is when helplessness and a victim mentality starts, where we think, oh, other people are taking my time.No, other people cannot take our time. We willingly decide to prioritize their needs over our own. Cause chances are we don’t wanna feel the shame and the responsibility of having to look at where we’re not meeting our needs properly. And you guys, it takes one to no one. I have been here, but if this relates to you, please let it sink in.Because it’s gonna help and the last way we fill this void, and it’s not the last, but the last main way […0.4s] is no surprise, comfort.So we will comfort eat, we will emotionally eat, we will over eat, we may comfort social media, scroll our phone, Netflix, shopping, spend money, we may comfort work, we may overwork. We will just disembody as much as possible, because experiencing the void feels too heavy.We will just distract ourselves into oblivion, because we don’t wanna sit with the actual real void that we can’t lie to ourselves about that we don’t have the body we want, right? And so this is something that I teach my clients pretty early on in my programs.I have really […0.5s] committed to creating a safe space for you guys, so I like to say if you join my programs, you’re not taking out a big emotional shovel where you have to confront everything at once.You’re really in a position and a process where you can do it step by step, so you can process these things in a healthy way, and you can emotionally heal.What I’m saying here though is that the void of not having this result in your life will have taken its toll. And chances are you’re just in a place where your body to regulate needs this external comfort that doesn’t serve you. And then of course, where it becomes really problematic is when we comfort ourselves so much from the void, and then we get further away from what would actually fill the void, right?So we overeat and over consume dopamine hits to the point where we gain more weight or we don’t actually solve for our healthiest body and we feel more tired and more exhausted.So it’s really interesting cause it’s really interesting cause this can happen in different areas of life where we have an actual void. And to distract from the void, we actually comfort away from whatever that is. This is a form of self sabotage.So let’s say that we have a void where we really want a romantic relationship, but how we cope with that and move away from that is we never go out because that would feel too much, and we would feel doubt that we’ll ever find someone, right?This happens a lot with work. Maybe you have inadequacy around work or moving up in your company.Whatever it is, and that actually is what your calling is and what your area of fulfillment is. But then to comfort away from that, we focus on a new hobby or other projects to […0.4s] not actually address what it is we want.And all of that like the learning and solving that I talked about, it’s always gonna be a South. And it’s never gonna quite bring you relief.And that is what I’m here to help you guys do is to be really honest with you. So if this is something that you want and is resonating, we can solve that problem for good. So it’s not staying as this void in your life that’s gonna be taking your energy. So with all of this, I know this is a more tender podcast today. We’re just having an open discussion, but there’s a few key points I want you to know after we’ve hashed this out.So the very first thing and I want you to hear me is […0.5s] you are not and will never be a sad story. It is very easy for all of us […0.5s] to narrate our experiences, our life, this void as if it is a sad story. I know the word void is very graphic, and it depicts something that doesn’t quite seem positive. But I want you to be careful because you are anything but a sad story.And I don’t want you to hold yourself in that regard, because having pity on yourself will dig you into a hole that is going to be really tough to get out of. And I want us to be so careful with that, because our brain is always gonna offer us the option […0.5s] of self pity. And do not take the bait, you guys.Never take the bait from your brain when it says, hey, you have the option though to feel really sorry for yourself. And I promise you guys, I’ll say this till my face falls off. I coach women from every circumstance, right?And when I tell you that it doesn’t matter what someone’s background is, or what their life circumstances in self pity always comes in, an option on the appetizer tray or the what do they call those order tray from your brain, would you like some self pity today? And we just wanna say no, thank you and move on.Alright, so the next thing is to know that having a void isn’t negative. Once again, […0.5s] I know this terminology is quite graphic, but all a void it’s a gap in your fulfillment, and this is normal. This is expected from the brain. It’s not a sad story. It’s not something that we have to feel like, is this really terrible problem?We just want to fill this void with the area of fulfillment that you actually want, which is your ideal body, not with fillers that aren’t what you actually desire, more knowledge, meaningless comfort or meeting the needs of everyone else, right.Lastly, this is the […0.5s] big thing, you guys, especially after getting through this episode, you can fill this void simply and solveably right […0.6s] now. I know it can feel like a lot.When we’re talking about emotional work, we’re talking about gaps in fulfillment void. It sounds so big and so scary, and, oh my gosh, cat, now I feel worse […0.7s] before this podcast.Thank you very much, but I don’t want you guys to feel like that, because sometimes what we are culturally taught with emotions is that once we see them, now, we have a bigger issue because we […0.6s] see what’s negative, we see what’s there.And y’all, this is just a negative relationship to emotions and a negative relationship to the human experience. None of this is negative.It is solvable strategically. We can get you from whatever void you’re experiencing, whatever inadequacy, shame you’re experiencing to where you wanna go really efficiently. But we just gotta be careful to not add the start cloud of self pity and, shame to the fact that this is where you’re at.Anything else in your brain that has a lot of thoughts and confusion about why […0.5s] your ideal body is not accessible now, and that it’s gonna be complicated is a trick. It is a trick.Your brain’s a liar, my brain’s a liar. Do not let it trick you into thinking that you are far away from this ideal body. Because actually, […0.6s] what I want you to know, I always envision it like this for you guys, cause it really is how it is. Your ideal body is sitting on a shelf right next to you. It’s just you can’t see it yet.So what you can see is the lens that your brain provides you with your thoughts, your perspective, your past. And it’s saying, hey, […0.5s] you have a really big problem, you’ve never solved this before, you’re gonna have to work really hard. It’s not possible, you’ll probably never do it. And the brain likes to trick us a lot, even when things are right on the shelf.Therefore, the taking, and this doesn’t mean you’re not gonna have to […0.4s] commit to it, right, and devote yourself to the process of healing. It just means that it is not far away from you.It is right there. It’s just the biggest […0.5s] trick that the brain plays on you, is that it gives you […0.4s] a lens over your life that doesn’t allow you to see it. Does that make sense?So really be careful when we’re talking about emotional things that you aren’t […0.4s] making that mean that you’re further away, because you now see a void. What I want you to know is if you are willing to acknowledge the void, you are now closer than you’ve ever […0.4s] been.And I really mean that, so […0.5s] there’s two options here, either this episode made you feel like things are more big and more scary than before you listened, and if that’s the case, it is okay.I am here to help you. And I promise that is just a trick from the brain. When we start talking about the tender stuff, but […0.6s] you might also feel relieved hearing this. It might make a lot of sense and make you feel like, oh, you know what, that’s what’s been happening, and now I know what’s going on.Either way, here’s what I wanna say. If you want support with this, you don’t wanna do it all alone. You wanna stop wasting time, wasting money, wasting your valuable energy in this area of your life.Really consider getting inside the owner eating habits membership. Alright, so this is my signature program. It is$79 a month. That is less than you will pay on unwanted comfort eating at fast food restaurants throughout the month.And I say so seriously, cause I spent, triple this probably more when I was struggling. And it gives you […0.5s] everything you need.I am here to help you guys, and I highly recommend, no matter where you’re starting from. If you notice the tender things, don’t go about it alone. Provide yourself some coaching and stability in a process to help when it feels hard. Because you deserve to take the path of least resistance.I know sometimes you guys, we are so well resourced and we really are so capable, but there is a really high level approach to choosing the path of least resistance when, you could just grind it out. And that’s what I want for you guys. So […0.4s] if that calls to you, go to catrentice.Com forward slash membership. I will be so excited to support you every step of the way. Love you all so much. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable with me in today’s episode, and I will talk to you next week.